FSW Weekly Deals! Catering Supplies: Legal Performance Enhancers

Posted on August 7, 2013
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Do you want to up your catering game, but fear reprisal from using banned performance enhancing tactics? We’ve got just the stuff for you! It’s totally legal. And available right here at FoodServiceWarehouse.

Greetings my little sassafrasses, and welcome to the latest episode of FSW Weekly Deals! This week, we recognize that everyone wants to be the best they can be, and sometimes that can lead to poor decision making. Such as, for example, the recent scandal involving a certain baseball player who took certain prohibited performance enhancing substances and got banned from the sport by a certain organization. I won’t name any names, because that’s not my style, but I’m talking about Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod. From the Yankees*. Number 13, specifically. This guy:


Ah, so young and fresh.

We do not want you to go down the A-Rod Road, dear readers! So I will now present to you the Good Idea/Bad Idea edition of how to enhance your catering performance without getting banned from next year’s weddings. (Hint: it involves the catering supplies we have on special here this week.)

Bad Idea: Putting addictive drugs into your dishes.

obsessed with food

That right there is an unnatural love for jam.

This might seem like a great way to convince guests and potential future customers that they NEED your food, but you’ll probably get caught and go down in infamy and whatnot. I’ve always found infamy kind of appealing, myself, but it’s probably not the best business practice.

Good Idea: Just use alcohol, silly!

happy drinking people

These people are so happy and drinky!
(This is definitely not a stock photo I don’t know what you’re talking about.)

Alcohol is just as fun, and incredibly, deliciously legal. We recommend stocking up on cocktail containers, cocktail container lids, and liquor pourers so as to facilitate the drinking. Always remember to facilitate the drinking.

Bad Idea: Only hire really good looking servers to work your events.

penelope cruz

Just divine. Isn’t she? Wait. What are we talking about here, again?

I mean, I see the appeal. Who doesn’t want to eat an artisanal chicken-fried trout muffin when it’s handed to you by a Denzel or an Angelina or a Firth? Or a Gyllenhaal? Or a Penelope Cruz, the prettiest ever? I’m getting off track. BUT DON’T DO IT. Is the point. You’re either going to get slapped with a lawsuit and/or just plain old creep everybody out.

Good Idea: Get some pretty looking chafing dishes!

chafing dish

Now that’s the kind of chafing dish I could really see settling down with.

You can have all the pretty chafing dishes your heart desires and never get sued! Never! And pretty chafing dishes make your food look better, that’s just a straight up fact. And maybe, just maybe, you might find true love right there on your buffet table. Who knows?

Bad Idea: Hire the mafia to intimidate your competition. 

brando godfather

I enjoy Brando with cotton balls in his cheeks as much as the next guy, but it’s bad news when he shows up at your door.

That’s what happens in the Godfather, right? A caterer hires Brando to run all the other caterers out of town so that he can monopolize wedding season? All right I’ve never actually seen it, but take my word: don’t get involved with the mob. It just never ends well, people.

Good Idea: Make sure you have plenty of serving spoons!

chef with spoons

See how peaceful? And with so many spoons.

Yeah all right this one might be a bit of a stretch, I admit. I’d like to see you come up with something better to say about serving spoons! (I genuinely would like to see that. Feel free to comment.) But really, how can chefs do their chef-thing if they must serve guests with their hands? This is not glamorous. So stock up on serving spoons now! They’re way affordable and very spoon-like, I think you’ll agree.

And with that, I bid you adieu O Mysterious Readers. Until next week, when I shall deliver unto you even more awe-inspiring deals!


*I am actually required by an obscure Massachusetts law to mention here that the New York Yankees are terrible people.

Sara Henderson (55 Posts)

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