The Gastronaut

In The Man Who Ate Everything, one of the greatest food books of all time (at least for anyone who enjoys reading food blogs), Jeffrey Steingarten begins by outlining foods he refuses to eat, can tolerate, and absolutely loves.  I will do no such thing – because quite frankly, there isn’t a single thing I haven’t found a way to enjoy eating. The point of his list, however, was to give you, the reader, a sense of his story.  As this is my first post, The Gastronaut will go ahead and give you a random collection of thoughts on my background and on food in general.  The ultimate goal of this blog is to educate you on food and restaurant news, food trends (many of them overrated), how to really cook, and everything else related to food. In no random order, you’ve been warned…

The Gastronaut has a Rachel Ray tat too

• After his first restaurant review was published, The Gastronaut was subsequently banned from the fancy-pants joint after giving it ½ a fork (out of 5 forks).  In the review, he compared the olive oil to Havoline, the cheese plate to Borden’s sliced white American cheese and the risotto to rice pudding.  Needless to say, he deserved the ban; it’s also an immense source of pride.
• While working as a chef, The Gastronaut realized that simplicity in cooking doesn’t really mean “simple to cook”; in fact, simplicity is probably the most challenging skill to learn as a home cook or even executive chef.  It requires a respect for ingredients and confidence in your judgment.  The greatest roast chicken recipe in the world involves only 2 ingredients: chicken and salt, and nothing else.  It’s also the easiest thing in the world to screw up.
• Most of the chefs on the Food Network, at least these days, are horrible.  Sandra Lee should be arrested for the food she makes.  I’m just waiting for the day she mixes Campbell’s mushroom soup, canned green beans and Duncan Hines yellow cake mix to make green bean casserole cupcakes.
• The Gastronaut detests the word “veggies”.  They’re called “vegetables”.  Using “veggies” is neither cute nor convenient; rather it’s disrespectful of a food that’s more varied, nuanced and harder to cook than anything the meat world can offer.
• Anthony Bourdain is a bad*ss.  Having worked in a kitchen similar to the one he describes in Kitchen Confidential, I appreciate his perspective.  Also, how awe-some is No Reservations? How great an ambassador for eaters everywhere is he?  A man with respect for everything about food, as well as the culture behind it, he shows we can always learn more about what we eat.
• The Gastronaut thinks most fusion food is, well, confused.  Rather, it’s great when it’s done correctly, cognizant and respectful of the cultural traditions from whence it’s borrowed, but most people who do fusion have never really mastered any of the cuisines they attempt to splice. To do it right, LEARN the cultures and the process behind the food FIRST.  Then try cooking.
• A recipe is fine to use the first time – after that, you’re either just being lazy or have no desire to really cook.  A recipe is a framework that can often support infinite variations.  (It still does not mean that ham and pineapple belong on a pizza together.)  If you really want to make a recipe, read 5-6 recipes of the same dish. Compare them and see what’s common, what’s not.  The first recipe that pops up in Google search doesn’t mean it’s the best one.
• Finally, why the term “Gastronaut”?  Because “foodie” has become completely overused.  These days, anyone who reads/writes Yelp restaurant reviews, buys panko breadcrumbs, or over-pays for produce from a farmer’s market, believes that they’re qualified to be a foodie.  Perhaps, but then it just seems so…ordinary.  A Gastronaut, however, is someone who goes above and beyond the realm of following food trends.  He or she lives to eat, and not the other way around.

So there you have it.  The Gastronaut can be a pompous jerk and an adoring, obsessed cheerleader. Really, I just like to eat and educate.  I was raised in the South and have a weakness for anything fried, especially chicken, catfish, and okra.  I’ve also been fortunate to learn from many great home and restaurant cooks around the world, and my stomach has been happier for it.  That’s all I’m here to do – to make your stomach happy.  Is that so bad?

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